you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
