My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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