is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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