sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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