I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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