guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
a search helicopter?!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize