Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
