you guys were way drunker than both of me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
