this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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