so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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