Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
