Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
