Moan for me like Helen Keller
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
