She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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