If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
