There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
