Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
nutella sex= disaster
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
