Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
