She went from zero to smokin in five shots
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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