i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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