Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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