I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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