I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
