I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
