i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
