I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
