I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
