I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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