I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
