She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
