I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Michael Bay diarrhea
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
