I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
