So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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