Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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