the day after is always just damage control
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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