His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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