Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
