I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
