im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
