you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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