She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
