We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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