I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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