dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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