i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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