she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
