Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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