you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't deserve a penis
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
