So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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