so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
