I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
