yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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