Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
