I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize