it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize