i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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