Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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