I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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