Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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