Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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