You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
