Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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