i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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