You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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