And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
