she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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