Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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