I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
