Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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