I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
