paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
