Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
