You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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