You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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