you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So much Jack, so little girl.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
