spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
