My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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