ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
