i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
