too bad you live with your parents still
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
