need another drink. this is the easiest way
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
