yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
